The Best Birthday Present
by LadyNightRunner
Summary: Kakashi lost a bet, and Iruka is the only way for him to 'pay off the debt'. A big kennel on Iruka's front porch has his socalled 'birthday present' inside. Garaunteed to stay within 20 feet of you for months!
1. Happy Birthday Iruka!

Okay darlings, here's one of the things that's been keeping me busy. Next up should be another chapter of Parting of the Ways, and then Tell Everybody I'm on my way. I'm stepping into unfamilier territory here, but the idea has been pestering for AGES! Ciao!

* * *

Iruka's birthdays were always hectic. This was usually because Naruto insisted on organizing a party for him, which always morphed into two parties; one during the day, which was attended by students and exceedingly underage friends, and one at night, which the older Shinobi came to. 

Today was Iruka's birthday. Naruto had _not_ given him several days notice, so the teacher had no time to prepare for it. The party started at one o'clock. Thankfully, Naruto had thought ahead (for once), and the party was held in the classroom, rather than Iruka's apartment. (This meant that Iruka came back from his rather late lunch break to find decorations, presents, and a slightly burned birthday cake waiting for him in the room, accompanied by Naruto, Iruka's students, and enumerable others.) There followed the usual off-key rendition of 'Happy Birthday', a relatively quiet period of about ten minutes while the kids devoured their slice of cake, and then they began presenting their favorite sensei with gifts.

As usual, a large percentage of the gifts were stuffed animals. Mainly dolphins. Iruka had built an incredible collection over the handful of years he'd been teaching; what scared him was that he had yet to get two of the same plushie. Ever. Sweets and chocolate made up the majority of the other gifts. These Iruka was always happy to receive, seeing as he had quite a sweet tooth (which he openly denied). The remainder included books, artwork, a set of rubber shuriken (to throw at the class), and brightly colored chalk for the blackboard. By three, Iruka's students had left, and Naruto was cleaning up, assisted by Sakura and Sasuke, who he'd drafted. The blonde helped carry the gifts not intended for the classroom back to Iruka's apartment, then vanished. Iruka showered, sampled several of his sweet gifts, and then headed off to the Mission Room…

His apartment was loud and crowded when he got back. Iruka was greeted by Genma as he entered. The Jonin promptly announced that Iruka had arrived, then marched him into the living room, where a ridiculous number of Jonin and Chunin were gathered around a birthday cake. (This one wasn't burnt, but decorated with dolphins. Iruka was sure it was the work of a jutsu, or someone had previously unknown cake-decorating talents.) There was the usual cake induced silence, although the silence wasn't as absolute as with kids. And then Iruka was led to the couch, and opened gifts.

The array of gifts Iruka received was quite a bit more varied at the party attended by the adults, partially because they had a better idea of what Iruka would like, or what would earn the best blush.

Someone always asked Iruka why he didn't have a girlfriend yet, and he never had an answer. Iruka had gotten quite a few offers from various women, and from a few men, over the years. Granted, some of them were just joking, but Iruka turned them down all the same. This year however…things were going to be different. _Very_ different.

Several hours later, when everyone had left, Iruka found an envelope on the kitchen counter. As it was addressed to him, he hopped up onto the counter and opened it. The note inside was written in a spidery hand he instantly recognized as belonging to Genma.

_Iruka, _

_We thought long and hard about what to get you this year…and decided that you could use some company. It took some searching, but we're sure that you're going to like him. He's well behaved, house-trained, does what he's told, and will eat just about anything other than tempura. He _is_ a bit on the big side, but we're sure you can handle him. We left him in his kennel, out on the front porch. Happy Birthday!_

_Genma, Raido, and Hayate_

Iruka smiled. They must have gotten him a dog. He'd been considering getting a pet; now it seemed that he had one. He headed out the front door, and found the kennel just to the right of the door. Iruka whistled softly. It was _big_. He guessed at least a six feet by six feet base, and at _least_ four feet tall. Just what kind of dog _was_ it?

It looked like the entire front panel opened as a door, so Iruka undid the latch and peered into the dark interior. "Here boy." He called. There was a rustling sound, like cloth moving, and a long, pale figure stretched out. After a moment, it moved out of the kennel and stood up. Iruka stared.

"_Kakashi_?"

"Yo." Kakashi mumbled, standing up and stretching. Iruka gaped. Someone (it had actually been Hayate and Raido, but he didn't know that) had forced Kakashi out of his uniform and left him in his boxers (shuriken patterned) and a sleeveless black shirt. He'd never seen Kakashi bare so much skin. Ever.

"What are you--why are you--what's going on?"

"Simple. Happy Birthday. I'm yours. Genma's going to be by to explain the terms tomorrow, and I was asleep before you found the letter, so can we continue this in the morning?" Iruka took several minutes to try and process this, failed, and nodded dumbly. "Great. Goodnight." Kakashi vanished into his…_kennel_…and half-closed the door. Iruka stood and stared for a short while, then headed back inside in a daze.

_This is just a dream…a _really weird_ dream…It's okay, I'll just wake up, and none of this will have happened…I must have fallen asleep at the Mission Desk…_ _Someone will wake me up any minute now…_

Iruka continued to think this as he changed into pajamas and got into bed, and was still thinking it when he drifted off to sleep.

/Morning/ Iruka stumbled out of bed, opened the front door, and peeked outside. The kennel was still there, and he could just see Kakashi's leg from where he stood. Iruka squeaked and pulled back, but not before Kakashi noticed him.

"G'morning." He murmured, stretching in a decidedly feline way. Iruka responded in a slightly halting fashion, once again in a state of shock. Kakashi rolled his eyes and got to his feet, then carefully steered Iruka back into the house and into the kitchen. He got the teacher onto one of the stools, which sat behind the kitchen island, where he couldn't fall, and set about making coffee. After a few minutes, he pushed a steaming mug of coffee into Iruka's hands and hopped up to sit on the counter with his own. Iruka stared at the mug for a moment, as if he wasn't sure what to do with it. Then he sipped cautiously at the liquid, and gave a gentle sigh of relief. " A word of advice Iruka. Never check to make sure you weren't seeing things until after you've woken up. _Ever._"

"I'll remember that." Iruka mumbled. "Why are you here?"

"Why am I here in your kitchen, or what is the purpose of my being here in this life?"

"Kitchen."

"Because I thought your knees were going to give out."

"Why are you at my house at all?"

"I'm a birthday present. We generally stay at the home of the person we are presented to."

"But why are _you_ my _birthday present_?" Kakashi made a face. Well…he made as much of a face as one can when wearing a mask.

"I lost a bet. I- here he comes." Iruka never figured out _where_ Kakashi grabbed the collar and leash from, but when the door opened, the Jonin had a thick leather collar around his neck and the other end of the leash attached to it was tied to the leg of Iruka's stool. Kakashi was on the floor with his coffee, looking as though this was how he normally spent his mornings: tied to his student's former teacher's chair.

"Hey Iruka. Whatcha think of your present?" Iruka sighed, and let his eyes wander around the room as he tried to think up a response.

"I think- Oh my God! It's already 6:30!" Iruka yelled, eyes falling on the kitchen wall-clock. Genma never had another chance to speak; Iruka was off, scrambling around the apartment in a whirlwind of notebooks, paperwork, lesson plans, and other things. Calmly, Kakashi untied himself and made several quick batches of toast. He sandwiched peanut butter and strawberry slices he'd found in the fridge between two slices, applied various toast toppers to the other slices, and had them stacked up beside a bottle of milk in an old fashioned metal lunch-box just as Iruka had gotten to the door. He shoved the strawberry sandwich into Iruka's mouth while the teacher was putting his sandals on, and stacked the breakfast-box on top of Iruka's armful of things as the Chunin scrambled out the door. Genma watched in shocked disbelief as Kakashi stood in the doorway, waving merrily at Iruka as he frantically took to the rooftops in his rush to get to school. When he turned left to avoid the market, the silhouette of the rather odd sandwich Kakashi had made for him was clearly visible, still sticking out of his mouth.

/Two hours later/ Iruka's class was well underway, studying history, a subject they loathed. After unsticking his teeth from the peanut butter and strawberry sandwich, which turned out to be quite tasty, Iruka had steadily munched his way through the toast Kakashi had made for him. Mixed in among the normal sorts of toast toppings were others that weren't so commonplace, especially for being prepared in under ten minutes; Iruka's favorites included the cinnamon-and-honey, and the apple-butter. He wondered vaguely where the apple-butter had come from, but forgot about it. Somewhere between the first and second Hokage, a student from another class came in.

"Excuse me sensei."

"What is it?"

"There's someone who needs to talk to you in the office."

"Right now?"

"Yes sir."

"Alright, tell them I'll be there in a minute." Iruka turned back to the class, giving them strict orders to stay out of trouble while he was gone. Then, he left.

Genma was waiting for him in the office. "Hey Iruka!" He said, in a tone that Iruka classed as 'uncharacteristically perky'.

"Genma." He acknowledged. "What is it?"

"We need to discuss the…er…care of your present."

"_Right_. Genma, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" Genma flinched, and the other occupants of the office suddenly found a myriad of things to be doing. Iruka grabbed Genma by the sleeve and hauled him outside, onto the practice grounds, which were currently uninhabited. He was about to continue yelling when he saw who was tied to one of the trees.

"Yo."

"_KAKASHI? GENMA_, **_WHAT_ IS THE _MEANING_ OF _THIS_**!**_"_**

"Well, it's part of the deal."

"_Deal?"_

"Yeah…he lost a bet, and now he belongs to you until further notice."

"_Until further notice?"_ Iruka hissed, using a tone of voice that made Genma want to curl up in a ball under his bed and never come out.

"If he deliberately breaks any of the rules, then the time is extended."

"Extended from _what?_"

"Er…four months…"

"Four…but that's-it's…he's…oh dear." Just like that, Iruka lost all his steam. He slumped down onto the grass, looking from Genma to Kakashi with a helpless expression. Then he sighed. "What are the rules?"

"What?"

"If he's going to honor this idiotic bet, I need to know the rules."

Oh. Uh…he either has to be within twenty feet of you, preferably on a leash, in the same room, or with you at your apartment at all times. The only exception is if he's running an errand for you, or on direct orders from the Hokage…" Genma trailed off, watching Iruka and preparing to defend himself.

"_How_ do you propose I keep him in my classroom, pray tell?"

"Huh?"

"If he just lies around the classroom without a reasonable explanation, then my students will come up with all sorts of ridiculous and highly imaginative reasons. _And_ they'll tell their parents, some of whom will undoubtedly assume that I'm having some sort of love affair with Kakashi!"

"Good point." Genma murmured. "I think this calls for a costume change."

"_Costume change? _…Oh dear."

/ 12:55pm/ Iruka sat at his desk, trying very hard to ignore the large, dark shape on the floor at the foot of his desk, and waiting for his students to get back from lunch. The large dark shape on the floor was Kakashi. His hitai-ate had been replaced with a black eye patch, for two reasons: Kakashi's 'hitai-ate-pulled-over-one-eye' style was too recognizable, and, for costume purposes, Kakashi's hitai-ate had been relocated to his right bicep. The rest of his clothes had changed too; He wore black cargo pants, loose and low slung, and a tight fitting dark green shirt, the sleeves of which he had torn off. The collar was still around his neck, though it was now attached to a heavy chain, with the other end securely fastened to Iruka's desk. Without the hitai-ate to keep it up, Kakashi's hair had assumed a messy arrangement over his eyes and cheekbones, and an improvised tattoo, created by illusion, drew attention to the left side of his neck and shoulder, and away from his lower face (devoid of mask).

"I hope you know what you're doing." Kakashi whispered.

"I'll be fine, aside from forever remembering today as the strangest and possibly most potentially embarrassing day of my life."

"Not ready?"

"No. You?"

"Of course not. But they don't need to know that."

"Gee, thanks. I feel so much better."

"That's what I'm here for."


	2. Wild Animal

Sorry it's so short, but school's started again, and I wanted to get a few things posted before I can't. Enjoy all!

At precisely 1:00pm, Iruka's students began re-entering the classroom. Most cast curious glances at Kakashi, who was sprawled out on the floor in a manner that suggested that he had several extra joints over the standard number for a human being. Several stopped and gaped. Iruka was quick to shoo them towards their seats. When all of the children had arrived, Iruka took a deep breath, nudged Kakashi in the ribs with his toe, and got to his feet.

"Kids, as of today, we're going to be studying how to interact with a person who is…unstable, so to speak. The lessons will be hands-on. I'd like to introduce you to Kakashi. I'm…watching him, as it were." Kakashi ignored the students, and rolled onto his back.

"Where did he come from?"

"Hmm? Oh, the sanatorium."

"The _insane asylum?_"

"Yes. Why?"

"Is he crazy?" Iruka bit his tongue and tried very hard not to laugh. _Yes, he's crazy. Want to know how crazy? He's staying with me for the next few months, and living in a kennel. He makes toast with things that aren't even in the kitchen. How crazy? VERY._

"You might say that. We're going to try to get him to accept human company again- yes?" A boy in the back had his hand up.

" What happened to him?"

"What do you mean?"

"He wasn't born that way, was he?"

"No, he wasn't. I was told he had a…a jutsu backfire. He didn't know how to properly execute it, and it sort of…changed his mind. He generally acts more like an animal than a human now." Iruka could see that most of his students weren't really ready to believe him. Kakashi certainly didn't seem dangerous or crazy. He was dozing on his back, apparently oblivious to his surroundings. It seemed that a demonstration was in order. "Do you want me to release him?"

"Sure. He doesn't look dangerous." Someone said. Iruka bent down, and put his hand on the heavy clip that kept Kakashi attached to the desk. Immediately, he was on all fours, pulling against the chain. Iruka released the clip. With a growl, Kakashi jumped at the students, staying on all fours. He bared his teeth and snarled in a truly feral display. Some of the girls started screaming.

"Sensei! _Do something!_" Iruka did as his student wanted. He scrambled after Kakashi, and tackled him, then wrestled him back to the desk. It took considerable work to get the clip back on Kakashi's collar, because the Jonin was struggling, growling, kicking, and trying to bite. Eventually, Iruka won, and Kakashi slunk under the desk with an air of wounded pride. To be forcefully collared by a Chunin! Oh, the shame!

Meanwhile, Iruka was rather enjoying the attention he was getting from his students. He had, in the eyes of his class, risked his life to restrain Kakashi, which put him under the category of hero.

"Don't mind him. He's just in a rather bad mood today. I got him up early." A short girl raised her hand. "Yes?"

"Does he eat normal food?"

"Define 'normal'."

"Like a cookie?"

"He does."

"Can I give him one?" Iruka considered this for a moment.

"I'll hand it to him, but I'll make sure he knows you sent it, okay?" she nodded and approached the desk, carrying the offered treat.

"It's dark chocolate and walnut." She whispered, holding it up. Iruka took it and couched down near the edge of his desk.

"Did you hear that? Kioko has a treat for you." He waved the cookie. Kakashi's hand darted out from his hiding place, snatched it, and retreated under the desk. Crunching sounds emanated from the desk, and a rather content sigh. Iruka smiled. "I think that was a thank you." Kioko giggled. Iruka sighed. He just _knew _Kakashi was grinning under there, and class was still in session for another two hours. It was going to be a _very _long two hours.


	3. Not in the house

**I'm sorry!** This has taken next to forever to get up, and it's pathetic, and I feel horrible for not updating, even with all you people who love it waiting for the next chapter. I present to you a humble apology and no excuse, because I don't have one. All I can say is, now that I've dragged this back out of the basement, I can hope to do more regular work on it again. I love you all, and I'm sorry, and I promise not to wait so long for updates next time.

* * *

After class let out, Kakashi followed Iruka home. Halfway there, the Chunin started mumbling about what he ought to make for dinner. Kakashi shook his head, but said nothing. As soon as Iruka was in the door, Kakashi pounced. Pinning Iruka's arms to his sides, the Jonin force-marched his 'owner' into the living room and unceremoniously deposited him on the couch. Iruka looked up at him, clearly confused.

"_You_ are going to sit there and grade homework." Kakashi said. "_I_ am going to make dinner. You are _not_ going to stay up all night grading. You are going to sleep late tomorrow morning, and you are _not _going to fuss over your lesson plans all weekend." He paused, and made a face. "And you have to walk me in the park either on Saturday or Sunday."

"Genma made you say that, didn't he?" Iruka asked tiredly. He didn't have the energy to argue.

"Yes, he did. But those first five things still stand. Okay?"

"Fine. Just don't destroy my kitchen."

"You have absolutely no faith in my cooking ability, do you?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Just for that, I'm going to bark outside your bedroom window all night." This threat was reason enough for Iruka to eye Kakashi over the stack of papers he was grading, unsure of how to respond.

"You wouldn't _dare_."

"Sure I would! And I'll get Pakkun to help me."

"Why don't you sleep inside on the couch? Then my neighbors won't wonder what strange and unorthodox things I'm doing in the middle of the night that involve a noisy dog."

"And people say that _I_ have a dirty mind." Kakashi sniffed. He vanished into the kitchen.

After ten minutes of nearly absolute silence, Iruka got up to see what Kakashi was doing. He found the Jonin chopping vegetables beside the sink. He was wearing an apron in an eye-smarting shade of day-glo blue.

"_Where_ on earth did you get _that_?"

"What? This?" Iruka nodded. "I have my sources."

"Are your sources _color-blind_?"

"Well _I_ like it, thank you." Iruka shook his head and went back to the living room.

Dinner turned out to be a very well made batch of fried rice. Again, there were components in the meal that Iruka _knew_ hadn't been present in the kitchen before Kakashi had gotten in, but he pushed this fact to the back of his mind, preferring to focus on just how nice it was to eat a meal he hadn't prepared himself. Kakashi even did the dishes, urging Iruka to take a long bath and go to bed. The thought was such a pleasant one that Iruka did exactly that.

Iruka slept until eleven o'clock the next morning. After waking up, he spent several minutes lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and contemplating how wonderful it was to have an opportunity to do this. Just as he got to the blissful revelation that it was Saturday, and he didn't have any work to do, Kakashi arrived, bearing tea and the news that Naruto was at the front door. Iruka thought he could actually hear his peaceful afternoon shattering. Taking as much time as he could, he dressed and drank his tea, then went to meet Naruto.

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto yelled, throwing himself at his teacher and giving him an exuberant hug. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Kakashi-sensei said you were still in bed, and- why is Kakashi-sensei here?"

"He's…staying with me for awhile, Naruto. And aren't I allowed to sleep in now and then?"

"You were still _asleep_?" Naruto breathed. Iruka nodded. "You _never_ sleep late, sensei. Kakashi-sensei's bad habits must be rubbing off on you." That made Iruka laugh, and he heard Kakashi give an insulted 'hmph' somewhere inside.

"I needed it. I can't remember the last time I slept in. Did you need something, or did you just come over to do it?"

"Just because." Iruka smiled.

"That's what I thought. Why don't you come in for a few minutes, and then we'll head down to the park? Maybe we'll go to Ichiraku." The mention of his favorite restaurant prompted another round of hugging, and Iruka was quite pleased to notice he'd quite forgotten about Kakashi. "Just hang on a minute. I have to find my sandals."

Iruka snuck into his room. Kakashi had apparently overheard the entire conversation, because he was waiting on Iruka's bed, wearing his outfit from the day before, with the addition of his mask. The collar was already on, and the leash attached.

"I thought you'd do something like that," Iruka sighed. "You do realize how awkward this is going to be, don't you?"

"You're not the one being lead around Konoha on a leash."

"No, _I'm_ the one leading _you_. Keep this up, and I'll make you play fetch with the first kids I see."

"You _wouldn't_."

"Try me," Iruka said sweetly. He slipped his sandals on and picked up the end of the leash. "Come on, pooch. Time for a walk."

Reluctantly, Kakashi slid off the bed, grabbed his own sandals, and followed Iruka back into the living room.

"Er…why do you have Kakashi-sensei on a _leash_?" Naruto asked, opening the front door. Iruka headed for it.

"It's a dare, of sorts," Iruka said, tugging at the leash. Kakashi was resolutely bracing himself in the doorway. "Come on." Kakashi remained where he was. "Now, Kakashi." The Jonin refused to move. Iruka sighed, took a step towards Kakashi, then backed up quickly, yanking on the leash. Kakashi lost his balance and toppled onto the front porch. "Good boy."

"Woof," Kakashi muttered.

/Twenty minutes later/ Naruto ran ahead to greet Shikamaru. Behind him, staying on the path, Iruka dragged a rather reluctant Kakashi.

"I hate this damn leash," Kakashi muttered. "And the collar chafes."

"Then don't bet," Iruka said flatly. "Come on, let's sit over there." Eager to stay in one place for a few minutes, Kakashi all but ran for the bench in question. He settled down with a delighted sigh, taking up all the space Iruka wasn't occupying. "Incidentally, what did you do to end up in this mess?"

"Lost a bet," Kakashi said sourly. "Several bets, in fact."

"And the nature of those bets?" Iruka prodded.

"Not something I feel like sharing, thanks."

"Since I have to deal with the aftermath, I think I have a right to know," Iruka pointed out. Kakashi shook his head. "Tell me."

"No. It's Jonin stuff…I can't tell you."

"That's bull and you know it," Iruka huffed. "You and your buddies aren't dumb enough to place bets on classified material."

"Wanna bet?"

"Hatake Kakashi, you're being entirely irrational and childish. If you aren't going to tell me, then say so instead of running around this issue and coming up with excuses I can see through." Kakashi cringed at the use of his full name, and Iruka smirked, pleased with his victory.

"Iruka-sensei!" Iruka looked up to see Ayame running towards him, a Frisbee in one hand.

"Good afternoon, Ayame," he said politely. Beside him, Kakashi muttered something that sounded suspiciously rude and covered his face with both hands.

"Do you want to play, sensei?" Ayame asked, waving the Frisbee. Daisuke and Mayura ran up behind her.

"I'd love to. Just let me tie Kakashi to the bench, okay?"

"Okay."

"Stay here and behave," Iruka whispered, securing the leash to the leg of the bench.

"Yes, sensei," Kakashi whispered back, rolling his eye.

"Don't sass your sensei," Iruka shot back, giving the leash an experimental tug. "I'll give you detention."

"Go ahead. I'm with you 24/7 as it is. I'm sure you can find another couple of hours that I'm not already leashed to you for."

"C'mon, Sensei!" Mayura called. Iruka looked at the children waiting, stuck his tongue out at Kakashi (a bad habit picked up from the kids he worked with), and ran to join them. Kakashi yawned and stretched out on the bench.

"I'm gonna lose this one, too," he grumbled.

Kakashi remained sprawled over the bench while Iruka played a spirited game of Frisbee with the kids, quite content to lie there and doze until Genma popped up.

"Hey there, Hatake. How's the dog's life?"

"As soon as my time is up, you are going to pay for this."

Genma grinned.

"Nah, you like it and you know it. You're just grumpy 'cuz Iruka's out playing and you're chained to a bench."

"I'm chained to a bench because it was your idea to make the children think I'm a psychotic ninja their teacher rescued from the madhouse," Kakashi hissed.

"You went along with it."

"I didn't have any choice," Kakashi sniffed. "You had me backed against a wall."

"We had you backed against a wall with a kunai to your throat," Genma corrected. "But you could've tried to get out of it, like you usually do."

"And _then_ what? Wind up being forced into something else later?"

"Your problem, not mine," Genma said flatly. Kakashi muttered something unprintable and rolled onto his back, mindful of how much slack he had on the leash. "But really, how's it going?"

"Alright. He's adjusting to having me around. I got to sleep in the house last night."

"That's a plus. I was wondering if he'd keep you on the porch the entire time."

"He might have, if I hadn't made dinner."

"You _cook_?"

"I do," Kakashi sniffed, feigning offense. "Just because _you_ can't doesn't mean that ever bachelor in the village can't."

"I know that, but…_you_ cook?"

Kakashi didn't answer. Genma sighed, stood, and patted his shoulder.

"Well, have fun. Hayate sends his best."

"What? No smart-alec greeting from Raido?"

"Raido has some kind of infection that has temporarily destroyed his voice. I can go ask him to write something down, though, if you want to hear from him that badly."

"Go suck on a kunai," Kakashi groused. Genma laughed and vanished.

When Iruka returned, slightly grass-stained, flushed, and grinning, Kakashi was sound asleep. The children gathered around to stare at him, leaving only when Iruka told them that Kakashi was grumpy when woken. When they were gone, he poked the Jonin in the ribs.

"Hmmnn?"

"We aren't done with our walk. Wake up."

"Wuzzentsleepin," Kakashi mumbled, sliding fluidly off the bench and stretching.

"Of course you weren't."


	4. Take cover

Yea, it's been awhile, but those of you who follow my other works know that I've been a busy little bee since I last posted. For those of you who didn't get to it, posted a little Naruto blurb called 'Truant' to tide you over. No one has read it (sob). Go look!

In themean time, I present a new chapter, in which Iruka shows that he does indeed have a spine.

* * *

They took the long way around the park, with Naruto alternately walking beside Iruka and running off to greet people. Much to Iruka's surprise, the majority of the ninja he passed seemed more amused than surprised at the sight of Kakashi stalking along at the end of a leash, devoid of book and dignity. Either they'd been in on the joke, or Kakashi had been up to something that demanded revenge and no one was surprised to see the results of it.

Lunch was uneventful. Naruto paid no attention to anything other than his ramen, and Iruka was too busy thinking about how he was going to work his schedule around Kakashi to ask any more questions, so Kakashi was able to eat in peace.

Naruto left after they ate, running off with the excuse that he had training. It was more likely that he was off to get into trouble, but Iruka didn't feel like looking into it. He had a new charge to deal with.

"I have a question," he murmured on the way home.

"I may not have an answer."

"Why me?"

"Why you what?"

"Why did you wind up with _me_, of all people? There are plenty of other ninja in the village who could have been given charge of you, and many of them don't have as rigid a schedule as I do. What made Genma and the others choose me?"

Kakashi shrugged.

"Beats me. All I know is what they told me. Reasoning behind the decisions wasn't relevant to what I was going to be doing, so they didn't tell me."

"And you just _agreed_ to be my…my _pet_?"

"Kind of."

"Kind of? How do you _kind of_ agree to something like that?"

"I wasn't totally clear on the details before I agreed to the bet. After I lost, they filled me in, and it was too late by then."

Iruka sighed and massaged his temples.

"Kakashi?"

"Mmm?"

"How did you achieve the rank of Jonin?"

"I passed the test. Why do you ask?"

"I'm having trouble understanding how someone with your rank and apparent skill got himself into what amounts to a modified hostage situation, complete with an elaborate set-up and multiple perpetrators, as easily as you just did. Even worse, it seems that you simply strolled into it. _Naruto_ might have done a better job at avoiding it; I'm sure most of the ninja in the village over the age of thirteen would have done a better job. And yet, here you are, with a record of achievement as long as you please and a reputation to end all, wearing a collar and being lead around Konoha on a _leash_."

Kakashi actually winced at that.

"You don't have to put it that way," he muttered.

"You're right. Let me try it this way. You got drunk. You started betting with colleagues who were obviously not quite as drunk as you were. Betting escalated, and you wound up with your back to a wall of kunai, facing the result of the initial bets I assume you lost. You were summarily stripped down to boxers, packed into a kennel, and delivered to my front porch just in time for my birthday. Now, here you are, looking like some strange version of a bondage situation out of one of the Toad Sage's horrible books."

"Ow."

"My students all know what kind of idiotic things you can get up to when you drink. All of the teachers at the Academy cover the advantages and disadvantages of alcohol. Did you miss that day when you were in school, or did you just not bother to pay attention?"

"Would you quit that?"

"Quit _what_?" Iruka snapped. He'd been on a roll, thank you very much, and didn't appreciate being stopped.

"You're wasted on the Academy," Kakashi grumbled. "Go off like that at a prisoner and you'd have them telling you their secrets in minutes. Why aren't you in with the Interrogation Squad? Hell, why haven't you applied for the Jonin test?"

"I like kids," Iruka sniffed. "They're easier to handle than adults, and they make good training for the missions I do get sent on. Interrogation bores me. Being a Jonin would keep me from teaching until the students reach Genin ranking, at which point the most impressionable time of their lives had passed and the impact I want to make can no longer be made quite as strongly."

"You have the power, don't you?"

"What power?" Iruka asked innocently, not looking at Kakashi.

"You're strong enough to be a Jonin, if you took the test."

"Maybe."

"I don't understand you."

"Maybe that's why they gave you to me."

"What?"

"It's good for you to be utterly confused every now and then. When you're in over your head, you learn new things. I happen to believe that you can teach an old dog tricks, no matter how set in his ways he is."

Kakashi said nothing, choosing to brood the rest of the way back. Iruka turned him loose in the living room, then settled in to grade. Kakashi made dinner without the apron, the smart-alec commentary, or the loud noises, and then retired to his kennel as soon as Iruka volunteered to wash the dishes.

--

The following morning, Iruka was up and out on his tiny balcony with a cup of coffee before Kakashi had a chance to crawl out of the kennel and protest. When Kakashi did get up, he peered out the door at Iruka, and then wordlessly made pancakes. Iruka thanked him, ate, and returned to his grading.

The apartment remained silent until that afternoon, when Gai arrived on the front porch with considerable fanfare.

"I come to challenge you, Kakashi!" he announced. Iruka heard him clearly, even though the entire apartment and the door separated them.

"Kakashi, are you going to answer that?"

"Are you kidding?"

"Scared?"

"I am _not_."

"Answer the door, then."

"Do you want me to explain to him that I can't participate in whatever ludicrous challenge he has today because I'm your pet until further notice?"

Iruka glared at Kakashi, but put his pen down and went to answer the door.

"Good afternoon, Gai-sensei," he said politely. "Can I help you?"

"I was told my Eternal Rival was here," Gai announced. "I wish to challenge him."

"He's…tied up right now," Iruka said delicately. Behind him, he heard a scuffling noise that he suspected was Kakashi tying his leash to the nearest solid object. "Maybe later?"

"I will issue my challenge now. As the challenged, he can choose the time we meet."

"Ah…well…er…come in, then."

Iruka took advantage of Gai's removal of his sandals to turn in Kakashi's direction and make frantic gestures, urging him to get the leash off _now_. Kakashi politely ignored him.

"Tell me, sensei, why exactly is my Eternal Rival here?"

"Repairs are being done on his apartment. I offered my couch."

Gai nodded his approval. Iruka braced for a barrage of praise and commentary surrounding his Youth™, but was saved by Kakashi's rather timely sneeze. Gai whirled.

"Kakashi!"

"Gai."

"Why are you tied to a table?"

"It's a leash."

"Why?"

"I'm practicing."

"For what?"

"I challenge you to see who can be the better pet."

"_Pet_?" Gai repeated. Kakashi nodded sagely.

"Yes. Iruka graciously agreed to help me, so I'm being his pet today."

Gai considered this for a few minutes, then grinned. Iruka squinted against the glare.

"I accept your challenge!"

"Great. When do you want to start?"

"Today!"

"Tomorrow. You have to find someone who needs a pet, first."

"I will win this, Kakashi! I shall return tomorrow with an owner! Prepare for defeat!" With a final pose in the doorway, Gai vanished. Iruka slumped against the nearest wall and laughed until his ribs ached.

"Are you alright?" Kakashi asked, holding his book up as if it would serve as a suitable shield to protect him from Iruka and his hysterical laughter.

"You…you just keeping digging yourself deeper!" Iruka gasped. "Just one…one story after another!"

"And you think it's _funny_?"

"You have no _idea_!"

Kakashi buried his nose in the book and waited for Iruka to calm down. It took a few minutes, but eventually Iruka stumbled out onto the porch and dropped into his chair, flushed from lack of oxygen and teary-eyed from the laughing.

"This is _unbelievable_," he chuckled, wiping his eyes.

"Bad birthday present?"

"Not at all…a very good one. I've never been so entertained by a single gift!"

"I'm so glad I _amuse_ you," Kakashi grumbled.

Iruka shrugged helplessly and returned to his papers, grinning. Kakashi sulked behind his book.

"Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?" Iruka asked suddenly.

"Hmmm?"

"I asked if you wanted to go out for dinner tonight, instead of cooking."

"Why are you asking me? It's up to you."

"Don't be difficult. You're the cook, you get to decide."

"Do you even have to ask if I want a break from being your happy little house maid?"

"That's a yes?"

"Yes."

"We are _not_ bringing the leash."

"But I have-"

"The terms of your bet can go chew on a shuriken. I want one evening where you aren't acting like my dog. That collar-"

"The collar stays."

"No."

"Yes. I'll get into half the trouble if I leave it on. Take it off and I'll die a humiliating social death."

"But no leash."

"Deal."


End file.
